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Some weird programming jokes to lighten up your day

Lost in the weird part of the internet: Programming jokes to crack you up

Eirini-Eleni Papadopoulou
programming jokes
© Shutterstock / By Elnur

Having a bad day? Fear not! I am here to entertain you with some of the weirdest programming jokes the internet has to offer.

Believe it or now, programmers are actually really creative. That being said, we should not forget that they are also hardworking and in need of some entertainment once or twice — per week.

With a simple search you can find countless programming jokes; from the infamous TrumpScript language to mock JavaScript libraries like vanilla.js that promises to reliably compile JavaScript into… JavaScript!

Here are my top programming jokes. Enjoy!

SEE ALSO: Top 6 wackiest programming languages: TrumpScript et al.

Baby, baby, baby, how many paragraphs?

You remember this nice Latin text called “loren ipsum” you use in web development to check how the text will look like in specific areas on the page? Well, you don’t have to be that plain anymore. Why don’t you have some fun while creating your webpage? The alternative to “loren ipsum” called “Justin Bieber ipsum” will definitely entertain you with some swaggie swag quotes!

Ooh no, ooh no, ooh I’ma make you shine bright like you’re laying in the snow, burr when I met you girl my heart went knock knock. Smile on your face, even though your heart is frowning I like The Notebook I could be your Buzz Lightyear fly across the globe. Swag swag swag, on you, chillin by the fire while we eaten’ fondue I’ma make you shine bright like you’re laying in the snow, burr swag swag swag, on you, chillin by the fire while we eaten’ fondue.

Is it thirteen? Is it?

if (someNumber == 13)
  // true
else	
  //false 

I am sure everyone thought that checking if a number is equal to the number thirteen would be simple as this. Well, you were right. However, is-thirteen is an npm package that comprises hundreds of lines of code and a specific code of conduct to make your quest for finding the number equal to 13 more enjoyable.

The most entertaining part of the project is the pull requests section of its GitHub where you can see requests like “Add support for the movie ‘Thirteen’”, “Add support for Olivia Wilde”, “Remove support for Friday the 13th” and many more!

Show some decency, please!

As it may be considered rude to release bodily gases in public, no one can deny that everybody does it! fartscroll.js is a JavaScript plugin that can make your browser produce gas noises as you scroll!

// Fart every 400 pixels scrolled in the window
              fartscroll();

              // Fart every 800 pixels scrolled
              fartscroll(800);

              // Fart every 100 pixels scrolled (probably a bit much)
              fartscroll(100);

              // Now I'm just adding more examples to make the page longer
              fartscroll(50);

              // SO MANY FARTS
              fartscroll(5);

              // I should register fart.io for this
              fartscroll(500);

              // I should register fart.io for this
              fartscroll(400);

              // Dammit, fart.io is taken
              fartscroll(600);

              // Alright, that's probably enough examples
              fartscroll(400); 

You can include fartscroll.js in your page or you can simply install it as a Safari and Chrome extension or maybe a WordPress plugin.

SEE ALSO: The top Java viral jokes

All praise to Jesus.js

As the creator stated, it is not known what this library will actually do but “it just sounds like a really powerful library no matter what it does”!

##API## //The global variable Jesus will be removed and be back in 3 days. Jesus.die();

//Makes all elements become float left or right.(Not working lower than IE8)
Jesus.walkOnWater();

Just fuckit.js

FuckItJS uses state-of-the-art technology to make sure your javascript code runs whether your compiler likes it or not.

I honestly do not know how to present this one! This plugin had me running for the hills!

According to its Github repo, API FuckIt(path_to_your_shitty_script_file) is designed to constantly evaluate your code “until all errors have been sliced off like mold on a piece of perfectly good bread. Whether or not the remaining code is even worth executing, we don’t know. We also don’t particularly care.”

The FAQ section is the cherry on top! Matt Diamond, the creator of this ungodly JavaScript plugin, seems that he does not have a single care in this world!

1) Is this a good idea?

Of course not. This is quite possibly the worst JavaScript plugin ever written.

2) Isn’t “eval” evil?

See Question #1.

3) Help! I have way too much money and desperately need to give a sizeable portion of it to you!

Have no fear: I am now accepting donations via GitTip!

As much as I hope that you enjoyed this article, I am certain there are many more ingenious programming jokes that I failed to include in this list. So, I encourage you to share your favorite picks with us in the comments section or on Twitter.

Author
Eirini-Eleni Papadopoulou
Eirini-Eleni Papadopoulou is an assistant editor for JAXenter.com. Just finished her masters in Modern East Asian Studies and plans to continue with her old hobby that is computer science.

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